What should we do as parents if our children are not doing well in a certain area during their development?
My friend’s child, Yiyi, is 5 years old and she takes Yiyi to a hobby class every weekend to learn how to draw. Some time ago, the teacher kept telling her about Yi Yi’s performance in class, either not listening to the teacher’s instructions or affecting the other children’s drawing. On one occasion, when the class was still in session, Yi Yi ran out of the classroom, grabbed her friend’s hand and cried while saying she couldn’t draw or draw well.
“Come on, Yi Yi, you can do it, I believe you can draw well. Immediately, like most parents, my friend wanted to inspire her child’s self-confidence with a positive and encouraging tone. When the child made a little progress, my friend would praise her unstintingly to boost her confidence: “Well done, Yi Yi, keep up the good work!
Despite the friend’s repeated affirmation of the child, her constant encouragement and help to avoid hurting her self-esteem, the results were not good. Yiyi was still resistant to drawing, and she would always say in frustration, “I can’t, I can’t learn.
My friend was anxious and did not know what to do.
In “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” Dr. Covey tells the story of his son learning baseball. He found that over-affirming and over-protective of his child, expecting to change him to meet society’s standards, did not work. Fortunately, Dr. Covey changed his way of thinking, found the crux of the problem, and succeeded in restoring his son’s confidence and making him better and better.
Why is it that the “model parent” technique does not work?
Affirming and encouraging parenting has had a profound effect on us for so long that it can unwittingly influence our judgment and behavior. When our children have similar problems, we refuse to think about the reasons behind them because it’s too much trouble, and we don’t want to admit that our children are really not as good as others in some way because it makes us feel like we’re not being good parents.
So, without thinking about it, we choose the easiest and safest way to cover up our own internal overwhelm, which is to become the model parent in the eyes of the public, using positive affirmation and encouragement as a panacea, not knowing that often what we say to our children is like a pre-programmed procedure, superficial and untrue.
Relying too heavily on routines and techniques is a head-on approach that does not address the root of the problem, and even if it is alleviated for a while, the problem will still flare up again and again.
What we need to understand is that each child is a unique individual with his or her own pace and rhythm of growth, and there is absolutely no need to apply universal standards to our children.
The first thing we need to change is our own way of thinking
The first thing we need to change is the way we think and the way we look at things. What we should give our children is pure care, focusing on their inner feelings, i.e. whether they can achieve happiness and well-being, instead of worrying that they are lagging behind others, impatiently encouraging them to catch up with others, and protecting them under their wings to prevent their self-esteem from being hurt.
So let’s give our children plenty of time to face and deal with their own problems, which is the way to grow up. The role of internal spontaneous factors is far greater than external influences. We believe that our children can gradually build up their confidence and affirm their self-worth in the process of accepting various challenges, stimulating their potential from the inside out, and moving forward steadily one step at a time.
We only need to stand behind our children, so that they can look back and see, so that they can have a harbor to talk and recover, instead of being protected by their parents. In this way, his heart will become stronger and braver to meet their own wonderful life.