What should we do as parents if our children are not doing well in a certain area during their development?
My friend’s child, Yiyi, is 5 years old and she takes Yiyi to a hobby class every weekend to learn how to draw. Some time ago, the teacher kept telling her about Yi Yi’s performance in class, either not listening to the teacher’s instructions or affecting the other children’s drawing. On one occasion, when the class was still in session, Yi Yi ran out of the classroom, grabbed her friend’s hand and cried while saying she couldn’t draw or draw well.
“Come on, Yi Yi, you can do it, I believe you can draw well. Immediately, like most parents, my friend wanted to inspire her child’s self-confidence with a positive and encouraging tone. When the child made a little progress, my friend would praise her unstintingly to boost her confidence: “Well done, Yi Yi, keep up the good work!
Despite the friend’s repeated affirmation of the child, her constant encouragement and help to avoid hurting her self-esteem, the results were not good. Yiyi was still resistant to drawing, and she would always say in frustration, “I can’t, I can’t learn.
My friend was anxious and did not know what to do.
In “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” Dr. Covey tells the story of his son learning baseball. He found that over-affirming and over-protective of his child, expecting to change him to meet society’s standards, did not work. Fortunately, Dr. Covey changed his way of thinking, found the crux of the problem, and succeeded in restoring his son’s confidence and making him better and better.
Why is it that the “model parent” technique does not work?
Affirming and encouraging parenting has had a profound effect on us for so long that it can unwittingly influence our judgment and behavior. When our children have similar problems, we refuse to think about the reasons behind them because it’s too much trouble, and we don’t want to admit that our children are really not as good as others in some way because it makes us feel like we’re not being good parents.
So, without thinking about it, we choose the easiest and safest way to cover up our own internal overwhelm, which is to become the model parent in the eyes of the public, using positive affirmation and encouragement as a panacea, not knowing that often what we say to our children is like a pre-programmed procedure, superficial and untrue.
Relying too heavily on routines and techniques is a head-on approach that does not address the root of the problem, and even if it is alleviated for a while, the problem will still flare up again and again.
What we need to understand is that each child is a unique individual with his or her own pace and rhythm of growth, and there is absolutely no need to apply universal standards to our children.
The first thing we need to change is our own way of thinking
The first thing we need to change is the way we think and the way we look at things. What we should give our children is pure care, focusing on their inner feelings, i.e. whether they can achieve happiness and well-being, instead of worrying that they are lagging behind others, impatiently encouraging them to catch up with others, and protecting them under their wings to prevent their self-esteem from being hurt.
So let’s give our children plenty of time to face and deal with their own problems, which is the way to grow up. The role of internal spontaneous factors is far greater than external influences. We believe that our children can gradually build up their confidence and affirm their self-worth in the process of accepting various challenges, stimulating their potential from the inside out, and moving forward steadily one step at a time.
We only need to stand behind our children, so that they can look back and see, so that they can have a harbor to talk and recover, instead of being protected by their parents. In this way, his heart will become stronger and braver to meet their own wonderful life.
In today’s society, the pressure to educate children is increasing and the influence of unhealthy elements in the media makes it difficult for parents to educate their children.
Because of their narrow daily exposure and the care of their families and teachers, they have too little direct experience and are curious about the world.
At this time, they will use the mass media to understand and explain the social reality, and gradually form their own values and outlook on life.
Because of the innocence of their minds, children tend to be positive about what the media offers. In this way, they unconsciously develop or change their ability to judge right and wrong. At the same time, there is also some false information, which affects the development of children’s physical and mental health.
There are many ways to solve this problem, such as
Take time to travel or camp in the countryside, away from the hustle and bustle of the city, and let your children experience the beauty of nature in a beautiful sunset.
You can also let your children spend a quiet afternoon at home with you.
Keep them as far away as possible from the influence of companionship and the lure of video games, and choose good books to cleanse their minds.
When parents help their children develop the habit of reflection and establish the right values, they will not worry about their children being polluted and their lives will become simple and comfortable.
Once upon a time, a child asked his father, “Are we rich?” Dad replied, “I have money, but you don’t.” So this child will work hard on his own since he was a child, and when he inherits his father’s ancestral business, he will also pass it on in the same way. Several generations have passed, and a century-old enterprise has been achieved. A child asked his father, “Are we rich?” The father replied, “My family has a lot of money. When I die, it will be yours in the future.” Therefore, this child has been spoiled since he was a child. , Before Dad died, they started spending a lot of money and had nothing to do all day. When they took over the property of their fathers, they quickly squandered them all. Therefore, the old saying goes: “Wealth is only three generations.”
Warren Buffett once said: “Family gives the rich and second generation a luxurious environment and a poor life. They are not born with golden spoons in their mouths, but are born with golden daggers in their backs.” My son, what was the experience like? Do you not have to worry about material things all your life, can you enjoy the best resources in the world at any time, or can you achieve success without working hard? The answer is, no, Buffett’s son Peter, after leaving college, lives independently, not only responsible for the expenses of the music room, but also the pressure of the mortgage, no different from ordinary young people, working hard for work and life, at 19 At the age of three, after acquiring limited property, he no longer receives any property from his father. Like ordinary composers and musicians, they can only express their worth through their latest work. Peter finally achieved his own success through his own efforts, became an excellent composer, and won the “Emmy Award”, the highest honor in the American television industry.
Peter said that he was very lucky to be born in the Buffett family. It was not material. In fact, he did not enjoy too much material since he was a child, but he received a very good family education from the family and learned a good life from his father. philosophy. What makes Buffett’s homeschooling unique? There are four very important concepts (trust/tolerance/advocating education/establishing one’s own work attitude) that affect Buffett’s three children, so that they can all be their own rich generation.
Read another story below to better understand the differences in education between different families.
Last summer vacation, a friend sent his 13-year-old son to his aunt’s house abroad, saying that he wanted to let his son see the world and ask the aunt to take care of him. Therefore, the aunt began to “take care” of an underage boy.
As soon as he picked up the boy from the station, his aunt said something to him: “I’m your aunt, and during this month of summer, your father asked me to take care of you, but what I want to tell you is that I don’t care about taking care of you. You are not responsible for your life, because I don’t owe your father, and he doesn’t owe me, so we are equal. You are 13 years old, and you have the basic ability to live, so from tomorrow, you have to press When you get up, I am not responsible for calling you.
After getting up, you have to make your own breakfast, because I have to go to work, it is impossible to make breakfast for you, after eating, you have to clean the dishes and bowls by yourself, because I am not responsible for washing the dishes for you, that is not my responsibility , the laundry room is there, you need to wash your clothes by yourself, in addition, there is a city map and bus schedule, you can decide where to go to play by yourself, I can take you there when I have time, but if you don’t have time If so, you have to figure out the route and the driving distance, and you can play by yourself. In short, you should try your best to solve your own life problems, because I have my own things to do, and I hope your arrival will not cause me any trouble. “
The 13-year-old boy blinked and listened to his aunt’s words, and his heart must have been touched. Because at home in Beijing, his parents are fully responsible for all his life.
Finally, when his aunt asked him if he understood, he said, “Understood.”
Yes, my aunt is right. She doesn’t owe her father, let alone herself. She is 13 years old and a big child. She can do many things, including making breakfast by herself, and going out to the place she likes.
A month later, when he returned to his home in Beijing, his family was surprised to find that the child had changed and became able to do everything. He would manage everything: fold the quilt after getting up, wash the dishes after eating, clean the house, and Using the washing machine, he can go to bed on time, and he has become polite to others… His parents admired the aunt and asked her, “What magic did you do? Let my son grow up and understand within a month? “
Pampering is not true love. Nowadays, many parents dote on their children too much. As long as they have what they have, they give them all. If they don’t have it, they always want to provide the best things in the world to their children, and even want to prepare them for the next life. The child’s own abilities and choices are ignored. As a parent, you must learn to let go, let your children understand their responsibilities and obligations, and grow up in fulfilling these responsibilities and obligations. Don’t be a parent with all-inclusive life, and avoid teaching “low-energy” children who can only learn.
A Harvard scholar once conducted a survey and research and came to an astonishing conclusion: the employment rate of children who like to do housework and those who do not like to do housework is 15:1 and the crime rate is 1:10. Children who love to do housework have lower divorce rates and lower rates of mental illness. Another expert pointed out that in the process of children’s growth, housework is closely related to the development of children’s motor skills, cognitive ability and sense of responsibility. In the United States, children, regardless of age, are important family members, so it is important to tell them their responsibilities in the family, and taking on chores is the best way.
In the United States, children, regardless of age, are important family members, so it is important to tell them their responsibilities in the family, and taking on chores is the best way. What household chores can children of different ages do?
Those who have been lazy and do not like to work since childhood, can’t bear hardships when they grow up, have poor ability to independent and self-seeking, and have mediocre work achievements. Therefore, parents who want their children to become dragons should create an environment and conditions for their children from the beginning, give them early labor training, let them do things within their ability, and let them develop a pair of hard-working hands, which will benefit them for life. Children grow up in the experience, the more experience, the deeper the feeling. Whatever the child can do, the parents try not to do it for him. A child takes a step further and an adult takes a step back. This is called growth.
Make children feel important. Cater to the child’s desire to be seen as an adult at this stage, and tell him that his work is a great help to the family, which will save more time for the whole family to have fun together.
Give children the right to choose. Give your child a list of all the chores he can do, and let him/her choose one or two of them. This will make him/her feel empowered to choose and control. So willing to do the work of their choice.
Make tasks detailed and demonstrate to children. A holistic concept (like “tidy up your room”) can be confusing and frustrating for a child. Break down a task into steps (put toys in toy boxes, put books on shelves, etc.) so he understands exactly what you’re asking. Also, parents should demonstrate to their child by themselves, answering all his questions until he can do it on his own. Parental patience is very important, even if he forgets a step, don’t criticize him, and happily remind him until he remembers it.
Forget about perfectionism. For children of this age, active participation is more important than results. If your child doesn’t wash his socks clean enough, or wipes the table light enough, don’t criticize his work. Criticism will damage your child’s self-esteem and reduce his willingness to cooperate with others. If a job requires perfection every time, it’s definitely not a job for kids.
Provide children with the right tools. Don’t give your child a broom taller than him, give him a small broom to use to sweep the crumbs off the chopping board. If you want her to help you clear the table, just ask her to bring the leftovers into the kitchen for you.
Be a good example to your children. Parents should never complain about the tediousness and boredom of housework in front of their children, this will send a message to children that housework is a very scary thing. Parents should try to make the child realize that helping the adult do these things as soon as possible will allow more time to play with him or her.
Don’t force children. Don’t resort to a forced approach, give your child a slowdown or a little leeway. For example, “I can let you play for ten minutes, and when the ten minutes are up, you must immediately clean up your desk.” This kind of method.
Offer incentives. Praise and rewards go a long way to helping your child develop good habits, and another effective strategy is to give your child a sensible plan: draw a chart for each step of the task he/she has to accomplish, whenever If she successfully completes one of the steps, she will be rewarded with a little red star. When he successfully completes the entire task, reward him with a reasonable reward that he hopes to get, pay attention, do not use money and material rewards.
Arrange all tasks reasonably. For preschoolers, doing something repeatedly can be boring. Therefore, the content of tasks should be constantly changed, but the traditional division of labor should not be broken. For example, let the boy drag the kitchen floor, and the girl will let her do some work that requires careful attention.
Give your child room to develop. Once the child has mastered the job that was given to him/her before, he/she should be given higher requirements and the scope of his/her work should be expanded. For example, he should be proficient in sorting clothes before washing, so under your guidance, he should learn how to use the washing machine.
If you want your child to have a high IQ, you need more than just exercise your child’s brain
Now is the era of “fighting the baby”, and it is who’s baby is “smart”. After all, there is nothing more proud of parents than praising their own baby.
However, in the thinking of most parents, they think that to make their children smart, they only need to cultivate and exercise their children’s brains.
But in fact, within 1,000 days from the birth of a child, their intelligence level has been on the rise, and the development of the brain will gradually improve as the child grows, which means that parents do not need to deliberately exercise the child’s brain. , should start elsewhere.
Research shows that if you want your baby to have outstanding IQ, the “second brain” needs to be paid attention to Wilder P, a Canadian worth shell expert, once divided and studied according to various regions of the brain, and also drew a “brain map”. He found that each region of the brain has a certain proportion, and the proportion of the hand is very large. .
He believes that the larger the proportion of the brain area, the more obvious the impact on the brain. Therefore, if the child’s brain is to be fully developed, it is necessary to start from the area with the largest proportion.
In the “brain map”, the human fingers and palms account for about 30% of the brain. It can be seen that the impact of the hand on the brain is very critical.
Therefore, scientists also believe that the hand is the “second brain” of the human body. The better the development of the child’s hand, the better the brain will naturally be.
Parents should intentionally exercise their baby’s “hands” Scientists have found in research that different hand movements can have different effects on the brain, but not all hand movements do.
The “grasping” action familiar to parents is actually the most basic, and can only be used in the old motor cortex, which does not help children’s brain development much.
On the contrary, fine movements can stimulate the new motor cortex of the child’s brain, thereby helping the child’s brain development.
This is because when children do fine movements, they not only let their brains issue instructions to themselves, but also have the effect of “hand-brain coordination”, which makes the hands flexible and the brain smarter.
Therefore, parents should intentionally exercise the fine movements of the baby’s “hand”, rather than simply “grasping”.
How to exercise your baby’s “second brain” Babies before 6 months can’t do anything other than grasping, so there is no need to deliberately exercise them at this time, and they can grow and develop step by step.
After 6 months, the baby already has the ability to control the hand, not only can complete the hand-changing movement, but also can perform certain fine movements.
At this time, parents can prepare ball games and toys that can be hit for the baby, so that the baby’s “hand-brain” can start to cooperate, and the child’s cerebral cortex can be stimulated through sound.
At around 1 year old, you can let your baby start to practice coherent hand activities, such as picking up food and putting it in his mouth, taking a picture book and starting to read and so on.
Although these movements are not difficult, they are also very helpful for the development of the baby’s brain.
At about 15 months, you can play some difficult games. It is best to use your baby’s hands to fully exercise your baby’s hands.
When the child is in the month when he can build blocks, he should also prepare a set of building blocks for the child. Building blocks can be said to be helpful helpers in children’s toys for growth.
Your preschooler is just beginning to master the fine motor skills he needs to become proficient at writing letters and numbers. Now, his attempts may look more like graffiti. It’s ok. Over time, his handwriting will improve. Now, your job is to make writing fun and exciting.
Here are 10 ways to encourage your child to write. Because children learn in different ways, they are arranged by way of learning. However, any child can benefit from advice in all three categories.
For physics learners
Write together. Ask your kids to join you every time you sit down to write a letter or a shopping list, or pay a bill or fill out an order. Give him some writing paper, a blank check or deposit slip, or his own order to scribble while you go about your business. Your child will learn that writing is an important part of everyday life.
“Write” the word with sand. Help your child make letters and words using materials like sand, glitter or cake sprinkles. Cookie dough and pancake batter also work – you can eat the results!
Use modeling clay to form words. First, make large flashcards out of the alphabet or simple words. (Laminate the card if you can. Then roll out the clay string. Have your child trace the words or letters on the card with the clay string. Not only will he learn to recognize words, but playing with the clay will help build his finger muscles , to hone the fine motor skills he needs to write.
Keep a travel log. When you’re traveling together — on vacation, visiting grandma, going to the beach or the zoo — ask your child to bring a notebook where he can write down what he sees, even if it’s just doodles.
For auditory learners
dictation. Have your child dictate a story to you as you write it down. Need a good theme? Try his last birthday party or a recent trip to grandma’s house. Even if your child isn’t actually writing himself, he’s watching you write what he says. This is a great way to strengthen written and verbal connections. You can switch roles as your child learns to write on his own.
Describe the picture. View pictures from magazines, catalogs, or storybooks together. Ask your child to tell you what he thinks people are doing or thinking, and write what he said as a headline. Or ask him to recount a conversation he thinks two people might be going through.
“Publish” a book together. Find pictures your child has drawn in previous years. Stick them on construction paper and ask your child to explain each. Using heavy cardboard, make a cover for the page and let your child decorate it. Help him write a title page that lists himself as the author. Punch holes in the pages and glue them together with yarn or ribbon. Store it on the shelf along with your child’s other books as you would a real book.
For visual learners
Make a photography diary. Take snapshots of your kids with friends and relatives. Paste them into a journal or scrapbook you made together or bought. Ask your child to tell you who is in the photo and where it was taken, and write what he said as a caption. This will be a wonderful keepsake for him when he grows up.
write diary. Children love to talk about themselves. By keeping a journal, your child learns to “talk” about himself in writing. Even if your preschooler is still struggling with the alphabet, encourage him to write a word or two every day in a special notebook with crayons or markers. Make journaling a fun part of his routine (bedtime is usually a good time). If he’s having trouble getting started, you can:
Make specific recommendations. Encourage him to write about his visit with grandma or his play date, even if it’s just doodles or “pretend” writing. Ask him to tell you what he wants to record in his diary as you write it down. Most likely, he will soon have the urge to write it himself. Play with letter fridge magnets. Playing with letter magnets on the fridge can help your child practice writing and spelling. He can also trace letters (using colored pencils; crayons are too thick). For portability, you can attach the letter to the cookie tray.